Donald Trump is currently facing many a legal problem. For starters, there are the 34 class E felonies he was charged with last month in relation to a hush money payment made in the run-up to the 2016 election. Then there’s the Justice Department’s investigation into his handling of classified documents, which is expected to result in a second indictment. Rounding things out is a DOJ probe of the violent January 6 insurrection and the plot to overturn the 2020 election, as well as a Fulton County investigation into Trump’s efforts to overturn the election in Georgia, both of which also have the potential to lead to criminal charges. Trump has, of course, insisted he did nothing wrong. But apparently he also has a plan for how to make himself feel better about all of this: fire everyone who investigated him should he win a second term.

Rolling Stone reports that, in recent months, the extremely well-adjusted and not-at-all authoritarian ex-president has asked close advisers if “we know” the names of the Justice Department staffers and senior FBI agents who have worked on the federal probes involving him. And, spoiler alert, it’s not because he wants to connect with them on LinkedIn or send each one their own Edible Arrangement. Rather, it’s because he plans, as he’s told advisers, to have the DOJ “quickly” and “immediately” get rid of the officials and agents who worked on his federal probes, according to the outlet. (Trump would obviously only have the power to have federal employees dismissed, though there’s definitely a nonzero chance he’s at least wondered aloud if he could do the same to state officials.) Rolling Stone also notes that Trump has taken to saying he’d fire FBI director Christopher Wray on the first day of a potential second term, despite heartily praising the guy when he hired him. (Last week Ron DeSantis also said he would get rid of Wray, so on that point the 2024 rivals apparently agree.)

Two sources familiar with the matter told Rolling Stone that Trump’s allies have told him they’re working to determine the names of the people he wants to “purge” for the crime of investigating him, which is worrisome on a number of levels. For example:

The identities of law enforcement personnel involved in the Mar-a-Lago investigation have been a flashpoint between Trump and the Justice Department since the FBI executed a search warrant on his residence in August 2022. Prosecutors unsealed a copy of the search warrant with the names of agents redacted, but the former president posted a copy of the document with the names of two FBI agents involved in the search. The search kicked off an “unprecedented” number of threats against FBI agents and an attack by an armed Trump supporter on the FBI’s Cincinnati field office. 

Speaking of the former guy’s desire to rid the government of anyone who isn’t sufficiently loyal to him, Axios reported last summer that the “heart” of Trump’s plan for a second term involves giving himself the power to fire thousands of career employees who actually know what they’re doing and replace them with people whose specific expertise is in bowing down to him.

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TFW your dual goals of trashing the debt deal and claiming the president is mentally incompetent don’t align so well

Seems like we can probably interpret that as a “no”